51: Missiles

I've started a new goal- to read a poem a day. No real reason to it, just a sudden desire to bring poetry back into my life. Last night was Philip Larkin's "This was your place of birth, this daytime palace" from the North Ship.

--

I'm attempting to go vegan. I went back and forth on it all summer, but it's going better now that I'm back in school, for whatever reason. I feel more motivated to cook, that's for sure. And I've baked! I've make cookies! And the second time, I fiddled with the recipe and it still came out pretty awesome! This is big news for I, who's always burned Betty Crocker

50: A Weekend without the Basics

I'm sitting in the bamboo garden at the Pittsburgh Public Library, and the mere fact they have a bamboo garden is the number one reason they're the best library I've ever been to, even beating (gasp!) the NY Public Library, and the Boston Public Library. There are plenty of comfy chairs, nooks and crannies, and brightly painted walls. There are areas for teens and children that look (appropriately) like they've been designed with real teens and children in mind, not just the kind that can sit quietly and read Newbury winning books.

Plus, it doesn't feel as sacred as the NYPL, and it allows you to consume food and beverages (within reason), unlike the BPL.

Safe to say, I will be spending long portions of my weekend here, as the research study I was supposed to take part in was at capacity, so instead of spending the weekend by earning $250, and having various cremes applied to my arms, I will be instead searching out places to supplement my apartment's lack of electricity, furniture, cable, and food.

Not to mention, this whole cutting drastically down on my medication so that I have enough to get through the summer is taking its toll. I'm starting to remember what it was like before I went on medication, and I'm not enjoying it. At all.

49: End of Panera Position

I gave my two weeks notice a few days ago at Panera. It was surprisingly less painful that I thought it would be- I walked in, asked to speak to the GM, and informed him I was giving my two weeks. And that was it.

I was more than ready to list the reasons why- not the least of which is the lack of hours I’ve been given, and of course, that I’m moving back to VA. But even if those issues weren’t there, I don’t think I’d be sticking around. The people I work with are nice enough, but here, more than any other place, have I just been continually faced with downright nasty customers, and I can only imagine it getting worse when the students come back in full force.

I don’t know if this is indicative of Panera in general, or merely this shop, but I can’t stand watching the number of people who come in, take samples and leave, or fill their water bottles and McDonalds’ cups with coffee or soda and just peace. The breaking point has been this week, where I have not only been called dumb, but had someone curse at me.

I’ve been consoling myself with yogic breathing, or attempts to be zen, or reminding myself that some people weren’t raised right.

I’m starting to think that maybe it’s not other people who were raised differently, but that I was.

And that worries me.

That leads me to believe this wave of self-entitlement isn’t some bad cold that’ll fade with age and exposure to common courtesy but instead a change in acceptable behavior, one in which people no longer are only entitled to breathe but to also have what they want fall into their laps.


It worries me because there’s only so much of people I can take, and more and more life is about working with people.

43: Welcome to Your Temporary Home

I've been in Pittsburgh for half a month now (aka two weeks) and it's had it's ups and downs. Ups being back in a city, and remembering how much I love tall buildings, but the downs would be this struggle I'm having in finding a job. It seems more and more likely I might have to return to Virgina sooner than I would like, unless within the next few days a miracle of sorts occurs.

It would hurt to give up on this class, to give up on the opportunity of living in this city, especially if I do return here for graduate school. I know that should I be making that decision, I would at least make more of an informed decision than I had in choosing undergraduate education.

Keep your fingers crossed for me. Send good vibes my way.

In return, I offer this website, which I have fallen in love with.

41: Next Semester

Monday:
1-2 French 201
3-4:30 History 491: Cultural Cold War

Tuesday:
9:30- 11 German 307: Civilization and Society
2-3:30 History 113: Introduction to Latin American History (hells yeah it's me and the
freshmen!)

Wednesday:
1-2 French 201
3-4:30 Hist 491

Thursday:
9:30-11 German 307
12:30-1:30 French drill
2-3:30 Hist 113

Friday:
1-2 French 201

40: Summer Plans

Well.

I just got offered an internship with the Human Rights Watch.

Pros?

It's the mother fucking Human Rights Watch.

Hella exposure to the organization and chances for cross interning

Super easy job, with flexible hours.

The woman I'd be working for seems super nice and laid back.

Working in NYC

Close to home, friends and fam.

Cons?

Not paid.

Administrative work--> basically, I will be reunited with my old friend Razor's Edge, to the max. We're talking about pure address updates, and fulfilling merch request.

Means I can't learn Croatian, unless I look at paying for classes at one of those semi sketch looking institutes in NYC.

I'm assuming I won't be able to dye my hair pink and go crazy, like I was planning.



Sigh.

38: Mono

This mono has been interesting, to say the least. Today, I ate three full meals, which is notable since until yesterday I couldn't eat solid foods for the most part, or more than one meal a day. I guess I should have guessed then that there was something quite wrong, when I woke up on Monday and had a bowl of sherbet at 9 in the morning in a desperate plea to numb my throat. You see, initially this mono was diagnosed as strep and I was handed some Tylenol and some throat numbing nastiness and told it would be better soon. When two days later I was still vomiting and couldn't sleep from the pain of accidentally swallowing my own saliva, I went to a new doctor who quickly deduced I had mono. Say what you will about Student Health Services- they know their diseases that run rampant on college campuses.

The minute the doctor said it, I felt stupid for not coming to the same conclusion. I had three days of naps and being winded walking small distances, wasn't hungry, and just generally over it. I'm starting to come out of it now- I can stay awake for more than four hours even if I do feel completely drained in the process. My tonsils no longer feel like they're resting on my tongue. I don't taste the pus in the back of my throat (sexy. so very sexy). And I've cut down on the Vicotin I was prescribed for pain/sleeping.

And I've been eating. Real meals, with solid foods. Soup and sherbet are still a dominant force of my diet but look at my dinner! Pasta was vodka sauce, onions sauteed with sweet paprika, chickpeas, peas and corn, and sauteed apples and honey. A real meal. I'm impressed. I don't think I'll take food for granted for quite some time.

37: Back in Boston

Back in Boston, for spring break, which is rapidly approaching over. It's snowed, it's rained, and been beautiful. I feel as if I'm doing Williamsburg a disservice. It's a good place, especially for 2 years. The academics are fab and I've met some awesome people. The job- pain of the ass sometimes, but good. It's hard to compare to Boston though. I think part of that is though that I'm here on break, and a lot of the people I've wanted to see (a lot, but of course not all) are people I've met in Ireland.

Sure, Boston has more restaurants, places to shop, movies to see and things to do. But the options I'm getting because of my association with William and Mary are balls-ass better than whatever was available at BU. Granted, upon knowing that I was leaving BU, I did a lot to try and make sure the next two years would be awesome (internship at the Peace Corps? Yes! That I turned down to go to Williamsburg? Well... yes also); there's a chance I wouldn't have prompted myself so much if I stayed in Boston, although knowing me and my tendency to um..... go crazy, that's unlikely.

So, end result?

Is it awesome being back in Boston?
Yes.
Was it worth leaving?
Yes.....ish.
Would I consider moving back to Boston after graduation?
Well, yes. Yes I would.

31: Mornings After

Things to know about me, if you and I go out:

1. The more I drink, the more I drop things. Do not trust what is normally fine motor control.
Examples:
a. Large glass of saucy Brit guy's beer, two hours into the Hungarian feast/champagne buffet
b. last night, ALLLLL the things i dropped all over other people's shoes

2. I have an overwhelming tendency to take guy's stuff. Not necessarily people I like, just random shit.
Examples:
a. Jake's (very large) Southie hat
b. Bob's scarf

3. I drunk text. And drunk call.
Examples:
a. see Rachel
b. see anyone

4. I lose things.
Examples:
a. so many earrings. so many!

5. I'd like to think I get fairly generous.

6. I also assume whatever male I'm with will pay for the drinks I keep ordering.

7. I depend a lot on my charm to get what I want
Examples:
a. New Year's--> friend of Shane's
b. last night, completely blowing off the bouncer at Paul's by telling him 'I'm not going to show you my ID, but I'm 21. Do you want to know my birthday?' and then I *think* I just walked right in

8. I usually remain fairly wise-acrey. I guess the years of Bugs Bunny and Looney Toons means I'll never be able to turn it off. Ever.

9. (Amended) I love a drunken debate. The less I know on the subject, the better.
Examples:
a. riling someone on the Patriots last night? I don't even know the QB's NAME!
b. Six Nations. Ireland v. Wales
Hangover Cures:

1. Lush related
Mask of Magnaminty, Too Drunk to Fuck Emotibomb, anything citrusy

2. Non-Lush related
(in no particular order) Modest Mouse, orange juice, coffee, water, Patrick Watson, lots of showers, toast, eggs, flinging myself upon someone to regale them stories of my night and have them pat my head, naps, a comfy pair of jeans (better than sweatpants)

27: The One Who Talks To Himself on Trains

I'm in the middle of an experience not unlike Cindy on the bus up to New Hampshire- my inability to look away from another leaves me giving out my real phone number or not ignoring the calls. It's like walking past a box of puppies or someone sleeping on a grate, something inside me starts to curl and I can't go on with out nursing that feeling, coming back to it and letting all the other small emotional catastrophes around come back and join it.


Granted, I seemed to have scared away this one with honesty, but it doesn't mean the feeling- the pity, the desire to do something, to give at honest most companionship- has left.

25: Eggs

I've been making omlettes and eggs like no one's business lately. It may have something to do with having work mid afternoon, so every day is brunch day, or the fact that I really enjoy making perfect eggs, even if that's much more than i love actually consuming them. That bit kind of grosses me out.

I've been planning for Children's Crusade, and by planning, I don't actually mean writing out recipes. Things I'd like to try making (possibly baking (right? right? i'm a gonna try baking sumphfing?) ). I'm excited to see how it might grow, and hopefully I can stop writing awkward Facebook messages that revolve around people giving my poor depleted bank account moneys.

Mmmm cooking. It brings me joy.

24: Resolutionaries

I've never been much of a New Year's girl, when it comes to the whole 'new year, new you' concept. Sure, like anyone I think it'd be nice to be more in shape, or drink less, or procrastinate less, but I never hold too tight to them. Maybe it's a nice by-product of the Mentalism. There are things I would like to do- write more, actually be proactive about homework instead of struggling through essays while hungover or debating how to blur a deadline, and to be more active on campus. Sure it's great being that girl with short hair and big earrings, but sometimes I'd like to do more, even if I'm not expecting BU Central-esque adventures, but that's ok.

23: Growing Up, Growing Older

Back in NJ again, and with snow to greet me. For a little bit I was appreciating it more, just because I've spent the past month surrounded by folks who don't see snow that often. Reminded me of the Irish in a way. But now that I'm here, and there's snow on the ground, I'm less enthusiastic as I would have hoped. It's snow, and there's only so many snowmen one can build, especially when one left her snowboots back in VA where they are clearly needed. By my closet.

I'm staying mostly at my father's during this vacation, due to my triumphant return to Lush (where the new people greet me as 'OooooO. You're Courtney.' (I feel like a superstar. Albeit, one with little money and a whole lot of ridiculous). Although the tenuous aspects of living here are still here, more than ever I feel at home where I am. I don't know if it was the little moments I spent putting up old posters and new scarves so that my room looks lived in, or merely a side effect of so many homes in so many years- it's a bit like that line from Buckaroo Bonzai "wherever you go, there you are."

22: Spider Bites

I find myself eaten partially by spiders. I hope it results in super powers, so this itchiness is not just a wasted adventure into cortisone cream. Other than that, I'm working through the end of the school year- papers mostly. Which has featured me holed up in my home with friends, chai, movies and fortbuilding excursions. Productivity is an added benefit. Did I mention there's beer? There's beer.

It's a good weekend.